I’m pretty screwed. I wish I could go back but there are no do-overs in life. All I can do is to try to be a better person today. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Part of me wants this to happen so that it will be behind me, but I’m in no way looking forward to it. Honestly, I’m plagued with guilt. I’m a truly depraved man, there is no good thing in me, but I have Jesus. He is my only hope in all of this. Only God can save me, because everyone else wants my destruction especially since they are going to profit from all of my misery. Some people are really happy that these thing are going to happen to me, but what can I do? Actually, I know what to do. What makes me most nervous is that I’m not going to suffer for righteousness. When you suffer for righteousness, you can count on God having your back, but what about when it’s all my fault? I don’t feel like God has any reason to have my back, even though he knows I love Him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So all I can do right now is to lay my life down before the cross. God will be my refuge. And what will be will be. If God wants me to suffer, then I’ll suffer, but I’m not going to let go of Him. He is all I have. He is my only hope. In fact, this is exactly why the Son of God came into this world to die on a cross. He did it for depraved people like you and I. Yes you are depraved too, you just have more evidence that I’m depraved because nothing I do goes unnoticed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You want to prove to me that I’m wicked? I already know I’m wicked and I have no problem admitting it. Most people can hide their wickedness by fabricating an image for people to see. But my wickedness is on display to the world. Anyway, I’m just a broken man. God has broken me in a way that the world could never do. And this is exactly where I want to be. God has broken me before, when I was a young Christian. In my brokenness, I came to the end of myself and there I found joy because Jesus met me there. I even prayed that God would keep my heart this way and that if I ever drifted, I asked that he would bring me back to this place no matter what it takes–even if I need to go through some pain. I believe God heard that prayer, and that he said yes– that he would bring me back to that place–the place of brokenness where all I have is God. When you are broken, your pride melts away and God becomes everything to you and you have no need to assert yourself anymore. I don’t know how people can get through being broken if they don’t know Jesus. This is probably why so many people commit suicide. They have no hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don’t fight the brokenness. If you know Jesus, the brokenness will make you better, so embrace it. We spend so much time trying to avoid pain and suffering. Have you ever thought about how much effort we put into avoiding pain? In fact, our society is structured to prevent anyone from ever feeling any pain. Sometimes God wants us to feel pain whether we deserve it or not. But as a society, we do everything to coddle ourselves and others to shield us from pain when pain is precisely what we need so that we can die to ourselves and put all of our trust in God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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